If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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