some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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