she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
