for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
