yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
vagina is talking i cant
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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