Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
