u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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