I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
