I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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