Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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