On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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