you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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