i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize