why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
