OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
