Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
