don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
