last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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