i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
