I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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