Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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