glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
