Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
