yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
