She told me I should be a condom model.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
