I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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