Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize