I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
