So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
