I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
