Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
