so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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