On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
