I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
