I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
