It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
