girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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