now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
