i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
what day is it and did you see me today?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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