i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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