but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
