i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
