he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
