he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
