3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
