He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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