so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
