She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cannot find my penis.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
