You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
