FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
