you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
