The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
