Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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