yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
