Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
