Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
