My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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