hell yes lets make some ravioli
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
