Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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