I wish I only lived at night.
In America we eat man semen.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
