Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
