I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
