we have pet lesbian snakes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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