I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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