Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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