I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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