I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He kissed a someone with a penis
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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